watching it all fade away

Reccer's Notes: So this is an angst-filled chloe character perspective that shows the loneliness that could have been her life after bride very well... Also, realistic and *ahem*. *fans self* but it will still break your heart a little.

1026 words, R/NC-17, bride
by simplytoopretty at her livejournal


“You keep saying that. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”


She wakes with lines on her body. Pale pink lines that disappear once she showers, fading away, like so much of life.

Jimmy’s gone already, no surprise there. He comes home late, leaves early. It’s only a matter of time, maybe weeks, maybe days. Every tale has an end. Jimmy is fading from her tale, a ghostly figure at best these days.

There’s no note, no words on paper telling her when he’ll be home. He’s just gone, at the Daily Planet most likely. But there’s nothing to tell her this, nothing at all. She sighs and drinks her coffee, already dressed for work in grey slacks and a purple blouse. She doesn’t like to hang around the empty apartment, doesn’t linger.

Work is slow, dull. At times she wonders if she should just give up, surrender to what she feels. She made a commitment, told herself she would explore other avenues, is exploring other avenues.

Around one the door opens, creaking softly. Chloe rises from her desk, moving towards the door.

“Hey,” Davis says.

She falters with words, his arrival a surprise. Eventually she settles and says, “Hey. Long time no see.”

He nods, confirms her words.

“What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you. I just…I wasn’t sure I’d be welcomed.”

“Davis…I’m married,” she says slowly, the words less confident than she would like. She’s married, but the marriage is empty. The motions she goes through, nothing more than that, no feelings.

Davis smiles, looking pained as he does. “We can still be friends.”

“That’s not what you want.”

“No, it’s not.” He steps forward, hesitant. “I miss you.”

Her mouth opens, closes, no sounds escaping. His words mirror her thoughts to an extent. Not completely, though, a part of her fears what she feels.

He bridges the distance between them. A sliver of space is between them, their bodies close, not touching. “I…I need to know something. Do you feel anything for me?”

“I…”

“Chloe, I need to know.”

His hands rise, coming to frame her face. The texture is rougher than Jimmy’s hands, calloused. Fingertips stroke skin, imprinting her with his invisible claim.

“I’m married…I can’t…you should leave.”

“You don’t mean that,” he says. His voice is low, husky, longing embodied in that tone.

Chloe shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter,” she says, “I’m married. We can’t have anything. You want more.”

“What do you want?”

She swallows harshly, unable to respond. Unable to say what she wants: the truth is too threatening, too revealing.

He leans down, the gap closing. His lips touch hers, sliding carefully, tentatively. For a moment she’s stiff, non-responsive. Then he nips at her lips and her resolve dissolves, abandoning her. Her mouth yields beneath his.

The kiss breaks. His mouth is near hers, their breath mingling. “Tell me,” he says.

“I want you,” she says, an admission, words wrenched from her. Her hands grip his shoulders, fingers clutched around cotton fabric.

Davis smiles, a true smile. He kisses her again, mouth opening immediately. It’s hungry, carnal, steeped with passion she hasn’t felt in months. Her fingers grip his shirt tighter as his hands trail down her body, undoing the buttons of her blouse. He pushes the blouse off her shoulders, the fabric falling to the ground with a soft shushing sound.

Her feet move, leading him from the center of the room to the couch in her office. Clothing falls away in the process, littering the floor. Fingers explore, learn. At the couch she sits, pushed down gently. She leans back against the couch, the fabric pricking her bare skin. He settles over her, settles in between her spread legs.

“I love you,” he says as he enters her.

She bites her lower lip, not responding in kind. Then, instead of speaking, she kisses him, wonders if that’s enough while knowing it’s wrong. They’re colliding in a moment where they should be going on their separate ways.

He thrusts into her, his thrusts hard and unrelenting. A moan escapes her, swallowed by his mouth. Her fingers lock around his sweat-dampened shoulders, clinging to him as he pushes her closer to the edge. The pleasure builds; her worries fading from prominence, the dull pressure of him inside her making her thoughts scatter and dissipate. She feels fragmented, reckless.

“I love you,” he murmurs, breaking his lips from her. Their eyes lock in this instant, exposure.

She seals her mouth back to his, their gaze shattering as she does. She feels safer this way, too exposed before. He doesn’t try to speak again, just thrusts into her until finally they’ve both pushed over the edge.

After, she disentangles herself from him. Davis protests, says, “Stay with me.”

She shakes her head, smiling sadly. “You should leave. This,” she says, gesturing between her and the couch where he still lays, “was a mistake. We shouldn’t have…I’m married.”

“You keep saying that. Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”

The retort stings, as truth does. She stands her ground, though, resolve finally sticking with her. Everything fades, this is no different, this situation, what has happened, what she feels. Everything fades, in the end. There’s heartbreak, but even that pain fades, hearts being repaired in a way Humpty Dumpty never could be.

“You should get dressed and leave.”

He rises and dresses. Before he leaves, he pulls her into his arms, kissing her. “I’m not giving up,” he says after releasing her.

“Please…” she says, not sure what she’s pleading for. Perhaps it doesn’t matter what the plea is for.

“I love you. I do and I’m not letting you go. I’m going to fight for you.”

With that, he turns and leaves. She watches him leave, thinks how much she’s screwed things up. Despite the distance between her and Jimmy, they’re still married. She said her vows, promised things, but she went back on her word.

Chloe squeezes her eyes shut, wishing everything away. When she opens her eyes, everything is the same as it was before.

It’ll fade, the pain, the feeling of loss. All will fade.

She blinks away the tears.